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Ourang: 23.02.2019 in 23:01
I don't want to just say all the awful things because obviously we wouldn't have been together this long if I didn't like him! He's got a great sense of humour, he's a good friend and really easy company. He loves his family and he's a hard worker. But there have been some things that have happened over the course of our relationship that have just cast a shadow over it. He pointed out that I'd put on a little weight, he said 'you look good now but you looked great before'. I used to have an eating disorder and still struggle to keep those thoughts away and he knew that when he said it, and I don't know if he just wasn't thinking or what... well this turned into me interrogating him every now and then about body types, what he thought was attractive etc. I'm not proud of it, I was so insecure it was actually terrible. This went on for a few months and it didn't help when I would see him liking pictures of exclusively skinny pretty girls on FB, instagram... I know what boys are like and this was never a problem with previous boyfriends, but like he wouldn't even hold my hand outside of the house? There was another time when he told me he wished I looked like my best friend who is smaller than me by maybe 2 or 3 stone. There were lots of other things and I'm probably forgetting (repressing) a lot of it but basically a lot of sketchy stuff that gave me a funny feeling mixed in with really great times? It's been a lot better since but not with any help from him, mostly me self-loving as best I can and blocking out those voices telling me to skip dinner etc.
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